As I left off, our trip was fully funded and then some and we were pumped about it!
We had a loong time after all the planning to wait.
I've debated on posting this, as it is very personal. But, I know I'm not alone. And often people who are struggling with this feel very alone. So if you do, you aren't. Ever. Do not believe that lie.
I have struggled with anxiety and panic for years. I have always had anxiety/worry issues, but panic made itself at home during the struggle and hard walk with my mom in 2010-2012. It was really bad. I was medicated for awhile, and then I turned to Jesus for help. In 2012 I started the journey of healing that I am still on, through a couple of bible studies (one was a first place for health study on hope, the other an inductive bible study on Romans) that greatly impacted me and prepared me for healing. I was healed of panic and anxiety one night at church. I knew that I was free. Healed. Amazed. Thank you Jesus - by his stripes I am healed! Maybe someday I will blog about that healing and the journey.
But the accuser doesnt like that, and he knows I have a weakness there. He likes to exploit it. If I am not careful, staying in the word and keeping the armor on, he can find a chink quickly and try to drag me back into the pit.
This summer, I had ZERO anxiety about the trip. I had total peace. God's peace was on me and I was looking forward to it. One Wednesday night at church, I felt the old feeling of rising panic. It was one of those nights where the pastor asked the congregation to get into groups and pray for each other. This in the past has caused a flight response in me - I have fled from the sanctuary more than once. I'll blog about that prayer issue sometime in the future too - I know I have to, but not tonight.
I decided to run this night. I KNEW it was warfare, but I still planned to run. But, right as I made that decision, one of the spiritual warfare/prayer warriors from our church sat down on the end of my row. She never sits there. She always sits front row.
I knew I had to go to her. So when we were to get in groups, I immediately turned to her. I told her what was going on, how I had been healed, and if I had been healed why now?? She instantly pulled a group together and prayed for me with hands on my shoulders. I was so grateful the Lord put her in that row - He KNEW I was about to run, and that I needed to come to him. Had she not been there I would not have brought it back to Him that night and I'm sure it would have been a spiral down again.
Before our trip, the accuser tried to shake my peace. Several times. I could identify it. Its kind of funny now. There are several examples, but the one that sticks out as the most outrageous I will illustrate. A coworker out of the blue came up to me and asked me if I remembered when another coworker died suddenly several years ago. We had heard he died of a heart attack in his sleep - she said "Did you know he really died of altitude sickness??" She knew I was going to Honduras - she did not know I was going 5000+ feet. I remember saying really? wonder why it came up now? She said I dont know, somebody asked somebody else who asked me and I thought, hmm, if anyone knows its you! I said well, I didn't know you COULD die of altitude sickness, thanks, since Im going to 5000 feet in three days. The look on her face was priceless. She apologized and hoped she didn't scare me. I assured her she didn't. She walked away and I said to myself, "alright satan, is that the best you have left to come at me with? Death by altitude sickness??!"
That wouldn't be the end of the attacks from satan for this trip. We arrived in Honduras, and thoroughly enjoyed our time there. The Lord had his hand on our little team, and His presence and love for us and the people of Honduras, on the ranch and part of the ministry was overwhelming. It was like a spiritual retreat with some work thrown in for good measure. On our 5th full day, he came at me again - and this time a full fledged panic attack set in on me. It was after a great day in the community, and then we stopped by a beautiful waterfall.
Another installment I will blog about the trip, the ministry, the beautiful people of Honduras and the country.
I have struggled with anxiety and panic for years. I have always had anxiety/worry issues, but panic made itself at home during the struggle and hard walk with my mom in 2010-2012. It was really bad. I was medicated for awhile, and then I turned to Jesus for help. In 2012 I started the journey of healing that I am still on, through a couple of bible studies (one was a first place for health study on hope, the other an inductive bible study on Romans) that greatly impacted me and prepared me for healing. I was healed of panic and anxiety one night at church. I knew that I was free. Healed. Amazed. Thank you Jesus - by his stripes I am healed! Maybe someday I will blog about that healing and the journey.
But the accuser doesnt like that, and he knows I have a weakness there. He likes to exploit it. If I am not careful, staying in the word and keeping the armor on, he can find a chink quickly and try to drag me back into the pit.
This summer, I had ZERO anxiety about the trip. I had total peace. God's peace was on me and I was looking forward to it. One Wednesday night at church, I felt the old feeling of rising panic. It was one of those nights where the pastor asked the congregation to get into groups and pray for each other. This in the past has caused a flight response in me - I have fled from the sanctuary more than once. I'll blog about that prayer issue sometime in the future too - I know I have to, but not tonight.
I decided to run this night. I KNEW it was warfare, but I still planned to run. But, right as I made that decision, one of the spiritual warfare/prayer warriors from our church sat down on the end of my row. She never sits there. She always sits front row.
I knew I had to go to her. So when we were to get in groups, I immediately turned to her. I told her what was going on, how I had been healed, and if I had been healed why now?? She instantly pulled a group together and prayed for me with hands on my shoulders. I was so grateful the Lord put her in that row - He KNEW I was about to run, and that I needed to come to him. Had she not been there I would not have brought it back to Him that night and I'm sure it would have been a spiral down again.
Before our trip, the accuser tried to shake my peace. Several times. I could identify it. Its kind of funny now. There are several examples, but the one that sticks out as the most outrageous I will illustrate. A coworker out of the blue came up to me and asked me if I remembered when another coworker died suddenly several years ago. We had heard he died of a heart attack in his sleep - she said "Did you know he really died of altitude sickness??" She knew I was going to Honduras - she did not know I was going 5000+ feet. I remember saying really? wonder why it came up now? She said I dont know, somebody asked somebody else who asked me and I thought, hmm, if anyone knows its you! I said well, I didn't know you COULD die of altitude sickness, thanks, since Im going to 5000 feet in three days. The look on her face was priceless. She apologized and hoped she didn't scare me. I assured her she didn't. She walked away and I said to myself, "alright satan, is that the best you have left to come at me with? Death by altitude sickness??!"
That wouldn't be the end of the attacks from satan for this trip. We arrived in Honduras, and thoroughly enjoyed our time there. The Lord had his hand on our little team, and His presence and love for us and the people of Honduras, on the ranch and part of the ministry was overwhelming. It was like a spiritual retreat with some work thrown in for good measure. On our 5th full day, he came at me again - and this time a full fledged panic attack set in on me. It was after a great day in the community, and then we stopped by a beautiful waterfall.
We climbed down, which is the easy part. As a water quality biologist, I was very curious. We explored, I looked for bugs in the water. The climb back out was strenuous. When we got back to the ranch I was very shaky,with some low blood sugar probably. They got me some pineapple juice, but by this point my heart was racing,and I was in a full attack. They are so strange. Part of my brain recognizes it, and the other part is convinced I'm going to die right there. Even though the first part is telling me "you are ok!" I have scripture I quote in the battle:
"I have not given you a spirit of fear, and timidity, but of power love and discipline" 2 Tim 1:7
Our team was so precious, I had told a couple of them it was a battle I waged sometimes - so when I went the two other ladies and told them what was happening, they instantly took me by the hand and we prayed right there for satan to "Be gone" and he was. Just like that it was over. Thank you Jesus for not leaving me!
Another installment I will blog about the trip, the ministry, the beautiful people of Honduras and the country.
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